Dirt_Boy
11-14-2006, 04:03 PM
Q. What does the average Michigan player get on his/her SAT?
A. Drool.
Q. How many Wolverines does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One, but he gets 5 credits for it.
Q. Why do women from Michigan wear high heels?
A. To keep their knuckles from dragging on the ground.
Q. Why doesn't Ohio slide off into the Ohio River?
A. Because Michigan SUCKS.
Q. What do you tell the U of M cheerleader to pick her up after she smiles at you?
A. Nice tooth, babe.
Q. How do you keep your family safe from a Wolverine?
A. Move to Pasadena.
Q. Did you hear the University of Michigan is going to bring back artificial
turf in their football stadium?
A. They're tired of the cheerleaders eating all the grass.
Q. Why did they change the playing field at "The Big House" to cardboard?
A. Because Michigan has always looked better on paper.
Q. How do you make Wolverine cookies?
A. Put them in a big bowl and beat them for three hours.
Q. What do you say to a Michigan Wolverine in a three piece suit?
A. Will the defendant please rise.
Q. What do you call a football player in Michigan who has talent?
A. An Ohio product
Q. What's the difference between the Michigan football team and Frosted Flakes?
A. Frosted Flakes know what to do in a bowl
Q. Why do University of Michigan graduates keep their diplomas on their dashboard?
A. So that they can park in handicaped spaces.
Q. How do you get a Michigan graduate to stop knocking on your door and get off your porch?
A. Pay for the pizza.
Q. What do you have when you get 32 Michigan fans togethor?
A. A full set of teeth.
Have you heard the news? Lloyd Carr is only going to dress 22 players for the game
against Ohio State. The rest of the players have to dress themselves.
If a couple from Ann Arbor get a divorce, are they still brother and sister?
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a
Michigan joke?" The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that
joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Michigan
alumnus. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2 tall, weighs 225, and he's a
Michigan alumnus. The fella next to him is 6'5 tall, weighs 250, and he's a
Michigan alumnus. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" The first guy says,
"Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it 3 times."
Three profs go to Tijuana. They had so much fun they were put in jail
and, justice being what it is, were sentenced to death by electrocution.
The first Prof sits in the chair. "Any last words?" "Yes, I'm from
Northwestern and I'm ready to meet my God." But nothing happens when the
switch is thrown and the Prof is released because it would be cruel and
unusual to attempt a second excecution. Next guy gets into the chair and
announces he's from Purdue, etc. and again nothing happens and he is
released. The third Prof has been watching very closely. When he gets
into the chair he says, "I'm from U. of Michigan and I'm an Electrical
Engineer. And if you just connect those two wires..."
Lloyd carr is on the Ohio 5 yard line in the closing seconds of a game
tied 14 - 14 and prays for inspiration. He looks to the heavens and says
"God what play should I call." God answers "throw a flat pass to the
right". Lloyd calls the play and it is intercepted and returned all the
way for a touchdown giving Ohio State the win. Lloyd once again looks to
the heavens and says "God why did you call that play". God pauses and
says "Hey Woody why did we call that play?"
When the Heisman trophy winner died and was at the pearly gates, St
Peter asked what he had accomplished to be allowed in. The football
player responded with all of his awards, yardage gained, etc and
suddenly stopped short screaming "Look it is Woody Hayes" as the man
passed by him. St Peter then corrected him saying, "No, it is God...He
only thinks he is Woody Hayes"
A Buckeye fan, a Wolverine fan, a nun and a stunning blonde are riding
on a train. Suddenly the train heads into a tunnel. A loud smack is
heard and as the train rides out of the tunnel the Wolverine fan is
rubbing his face. The nun thinks: "Serves him right for trying to grab
the blonde." The blonde thinks: "Serves him right for trying to grab the
nun." The Wolverine fan thinks: "The Buckeyes fan was probably trying to
grab the blonde, missed her and grabbed the nun instead. Then she tried
to smack him in the face and missed." The Buckeye fan thinks: "Next
tunnel I'm going to smack that stupid Wolverine fan again."
Directions to Michigan........ North till you smell crap, then West till
you step in it.
A family of Michigan football supporters head out to do some shopping.
The son picks up an OSU jersey and tells his mother he's decided to
become a Buckeye fan and wants this for Christmas. The mother, upset,
whacks him on the head and says Go see your father! Off he goes with the
OSU jersey in hand to find his dad. Dad? I've decided I'm going to be an
OSU fan and want this jersey for Christmas. The father is outraged,
whacks his son on the head and says No son of mine will ever be seen in
THAT! On they way home the father says I hope you learned something
today. The son says Yes, I have. What is it? I've only been a Buckeye
fan for an hour and I already hate you Michigan idiots.
A Michigan fan and an Ohio State fan go to the restroom and stand next
to each other at the urinal. They finish about the same time. The
Michigan fan goes to the sink to wash his hands and the Ohio State fan
starts to walk out. The Michigan fan yells that the Ohio State fan and
says hey in Michigan they teach us to wash our hands after going to the
bathroom. The Ohio State fan replies back. At Ohio State they teach us
not to pee on our hands...
A. Drool.
Q. How many Wolverines does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One, but he gets 5 credits for it.
Q. Why do women from Michigan wear high heels?
A. To keep their knuckles from dragging on the ground.
Q. Why doesn't Ohio slide off into the Ohio River?
A. Because Michigan SUCKS.
Q. What do you tell the U of M cheerleader to pick her up after she smiles at you?
A. Nice tooth, babe.
Q. How do you keep your family safe from a Wolverine?
A. Move to Pasadena.
Q. Did you hear the University of Michigan is going to bring back artificial
turf in their football stadium?
A. They're tired of the cheerleaders eating all the grass.
Q. Why did they change the playing field at "The Big House" to cardboard?
A. Because Michigan has always looked better on paper.
Q. How do you make Wolverine cookies?
A. Put them in a big bowl and beat them for three hours.
Q. What do you say to a Michigan Wolverine in a three piece suit?
A. Will the defendant please rise.
Q. What do you call a football player in Michigan who has talent?
A. An Ohio product
Q. What's the difference between the Michigan football team and Frosted Flakes?
A. Frosted Flakes know what to do in a bowl
Q. Why do University of Michigan graduates keep their diplomas on their dashboard?
A. So that they can park in handicaped spaces.
Q. How do you get a Michigan graduate to stop knocking on your door and get off your porch?
A. Pay for the pizza.
Q. What do you have when you get 32 Michigan fans togethor?
A. A full set of teeth.
Have you heard the news? Lloyd Carr is only going to dress 22 players for the game
against Ohio State. The rest of the players have to dress themselves.
If a couple from Ann Arbor get a divorce, are they still brother and sister?
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a
Michigan joke?" The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that
joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Michigan
alumnus. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2 tall, weighs 225, and he's a
Michigan alumnus. The fella next to him is 6'5 tall, weighs 250, and he's a
Michigan alumnus. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" The first guy says,
"Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it 3 times."
Three profs go to Tijuana. They had so much fun they were put in jail
and, justice being what it is, were sentenced to death by electrocution.
The first Prof sits in the chair. "Any last words?" "Yes, I'm from
Northwestern and I'm ready to meet my God." But nothing happens when the
switch is thrown and the Prof is released because it would be cruel and
unusual to attempt a second excecution. Next guy gets into the chair and
announces he's from Purdue, etc. and again nothing happens and he is
released. The third Prof has been watching very closely. When he gets
into the chair he says, "I'm from U. of Michigan and I'm an Electrical
Engineer. And if you just connect those two wires..."
Lloyd carr is on the Ohio 5 yard line in the closing seconds of a game
tied 14 - 14 and prays for inspiration. He looks to the heavens and says
"God what play should I call." God answers "throw a flat pass to the
right". Lloyd calls the play and it is intercepted and returned all the
way for a touchdown giving Ohio State the win. Lloyd once again looks to
the heavens and says "God why did you call that play". God pauses and
says "Hey Woody why did we call that play?"
When the Heisman trophy winner died and was at the pearly gates, St
Peter asked what he had accomplished to be allowed in. The football
player responded with all of his awards, yardage gained, etc and
suddenly stopped short screaming "Look it is Woody Hayes" as the man
passed by him. St Peter then corrected him saying, "No, it is God...He
only thinks he is Woody Hayes"
A Buckeye fan, a Wolverine fan, a nun and a stunning blonde are riding
on a train. Suddenly the train heads into a tunnel. A loud smack is
heard and as the train rides out of the tunnel the Wolverine fan is
rubbing his face. The nun thinks: "Serves him right for trying to grab
the blonde." The blonde thinks: "Serves him right for trying to grab the
nun." The Wolverine fan thinks: "The Buckeyes fan was probably trying to
grab the blonde, missed her and grabbed the nun instead. Then she tried
to smack him in the face and missed." The Buckeye fan thinks: "Next
tunnel I'm going to smack that stupid Wolverine fan again."
Directions to Michigan........ North till you smell crap, then West till
you step in it.
A family of Michigan football supporters head out to do some shopping.
The son picks up an OSU jersey and tells his mother he's decided to
become a Buckeye fan and wants this for Christmas. The mother, upset,
whacks him on the head and says Go see your father! Off he goes with the
OSU jersey in hand to find his dad. Dad? I've decided I'm going to be an
OSU fan and want this jersey for Christmas. The father is outraged,
whacks his son on the head and says No son of mine will ever be seen in
THAT! On they way home the father says I hope you learned something
today. The son says Yes, I have. What is it? I've only been a Buckeye
fan for an hour and I already hate you Michigan idiots.
A Michigan fan and an Ohio State fan go to the restroom and stand next
to each other at the urinal. They finish about the same time. The
Michigan fan goes to the sink to wash his hands and the Ohio State fan
starts to walk out. The Michigan fan yells that the Ohio State fan and
says hey in Michigan they teach us to wash our hands after going to the
bathroom. The Ohio State fan replies back. At Ohio State they teach us
not to pee on our hands...