joke

[SWIFTY]

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: “Paint…my…house.”

[scottishmark]

That smells like a telly text joke

[BigBroMC]

Two guys walk into a bar... the third one ducks... har har har.

[Serialthrilla099]

not what i expected but it got half a smile

[chaosdiva]

Its cute! Before I ve read the end I thought to myself, god, what sexual thing would he say with his three words, and then this....:smile::smile:

[PUNISHER]

Bono is at a U2 concert in Dublin when he asks the audience for some quiet. Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says in to the microphone... "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." A voice from near the front pierces the silence... "Well, f*cking stop clapping then!!"

[SouthSide Eric]

WHY ITALIANS CAN'T BE PARAMEDICS





Vinny and Sal are out in the woods hunting when suddenly Sal grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.



Vinny whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, I think Sal is dead! What should I do?"



The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead."





There is a silence . and then a shot is heard.





Vinny's voice comes back on the line, "Okay... now what ?"

[Scotskin]

Two statues stand fr the centuries, and days before the end of the world, an angel from Heaven comes down, and brings these statues to life. The statues are of a man and a woman. The angel says to them: "You have stood for a long time, and now the world is coming to an end...you have three hours to do anything you want....

The male statue looks at the female statue, winks, and takes her by the hand, leading her behind a bush. The angel, standing there, hears giggling and smiles to himself. Then the statues re-emerge, huge grins affixed to their faces.

Tha angel looks at his watch and says "Ya know...you still have hearly two and a half hours....you can do that again."

The male statue looks at the woman and says "Want to?" She replies "Sure, but this time you hold down the goddamned pigeon, and I get to shit on him."

[rayo]

Larry gets home late one night, and his wife Linda says, where in the hell have you been?"
He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would you get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on your privates?"
"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I Like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand, and Last, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home And blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."

[Vitnir]

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: “Paint…my…house.”
Reminds me. I always wanted to pay a hooker and tell her to do the dishes and clean my room.

[Twitchy]

Q. How long does Jesus last in the sack?


A. Been 2000 years and still counting for that second coming.


BTW, Like the site remodel. Reminds me a whoole lot of the site years ago before it went down just to the forums.

[Mikey]

Guy mets a girl in a bar and they hit things off. By the end of the night the girl whispers into the guys ear, "lets go back to my house"

in the Cab ride home the two are making out and think look like they are going to lead to great night. As the two get to the girls house the guy comes up for air and says to the girl " Look, if this is going where I think it is going I should warn you, Im a bit of a freak."

As they enter the girls house, the girls says, " thats great! so am I! Wait here and Ill be right back!" and goes into the Bathroom

She comes back out wearing some bondage gear and carrying a whip "Hows this?" she asks.

"Great" the guys says, "I'll see you later"

"Wait" says the girl " I thought you were into Freaky stuff!"

"I am" he says, " I just fucked your dog and shit in you purse"

[tattoo-bob]

An electrician goes to South Dakota to hook up electricty for an indian tribe but the only permanent building that they have is an outhouse. He wires it for electric lights and becomes known as "the first man in history to wire ahead for a reservation".

[tattoo-bob]

An Irishman walks out of a bar.......

[rayo]

A very ugly woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids.
The Wal-Mart Greeter asks, "Are they twins?"
The ugly woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they really look alike?"

"No," replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice.

[Chucky Scumbag]

Why Can't Stevie Wonder Read?

Cause He's Black